Deep within a theology of Christian friendship is a fundamental relational distinction between David Fitch's Neo-Anabaptist psychology and leadership through friendship. It's a huge distinction that becomes more and more valuable and meaningful the farther we probe into us vs. them antagonisms.
The distinction becomes all the more important when influential leaders like Dave who welcome and invite relational conflict into ecclesial leadership. Dave declares in The Church of Us vs. Them, “We must lead people in conflict. We must proclaim his lordship in and over every conflict.” He observes, “Leaders will see every conflict as the place from which the Spirit will move.” He writes, “Every conflict is a turning point for a decision.”
But before we go there, let's dive into David Fitch and the broader and bigger ecclesial conflict.
David Fitch and the Bigger Ecclesial Conflict
For any friendship-leader to probe beneath the surface of Dave's ecclesial psychology (there are other Neo-AnaBaptist models/theories out there besides his!), means diving into his theory of ecclesial relational conflict. My evangelical friend Dave is super positive that we discover Christ’s rule for peace in moving past the enemy-machine making “us vs. them” dynamics through his mutual submission model.
It so happens that Dave and I share a passionate interest in moving past the church of us vs. them. We also share a complicated relationship. Dave blocked me as a FB friend two years ago. He turned down my offer to meet face-to-face for friendship purposes after that.
As far as I can tell our gridlock is going to remain for the foreseeable future. Just like his gridlock with Larycia Hawkins. With Brian McLaren. With Christena Cleveland. With Justin Lee. With Joan Chittister. With Jamie Arpin-Ricci. With Brandan Robertson.
At least I’m in the same boat with some outstanding people!
Just how far was Dave willing to explore the psychology of the evangelical culture of us vs. them? After all, he’s an evangelical theologian for Northern Seminary. Dave invites us all to “go below the surface” at the beginning of the book. But he can’t go too far below in exploring disruptive but Christ-like friendships when he gets paid by an institution that is steeped in us vs. them antagonism.
Our friendship history is precisely the kind he has chosen to write about in this new book. I don't know about you (am I the only one?) but again and again in my relationship with Dave over a decade, I have heard him criticize progressives and conservatives as two sides of the same coin. Haven’t you heard him do that? And every time he does his Neo-Anabaptist vision wins in an ecclesial winner-take-all-contest!
I have heard my friend Dave say repeatedly—and it came with heavy emphasis in our initial clash—during our conflict that this was not a contest. This was not about winning. This was not about losing. But then, in a broader ecclesial conflict, I’ve seen him engage both progressives and conservatives as falling short of his evangelical Neo-Anabaptist “us” for the last decade. In this new book, he has a subsection entitled, “Jerry Falwell or Jim Wallis: What’s the Difference?”
In the broader ecclesial us vs. them antagonism, Dave’s Neo-Anabaptist self always wins!
Even though this book has a provocative title with a complicated subject, it is not going to offer a constructive controversial breakthrough beyond the evangelical us vs. them culture. Dave is not reaching out to his ideological opponents (progressives or Neo-Reformed) in this book for revolutionary relational connections among churches.
This book is for the Missio Alliance audience. It’s for Christians who are fearful of the Neo-Reformed and are doubly anxious toward the progressive movement. He proclaims the “lordship of Christ” and “mutual submission” over these deep-seated, entrenched conflicts.
This book is intended to pastor/shepherd those who see Neo-Reformed and progressive communities as undesirable options for deep ecclesial connections. He points us to John Perkins and Clarence Jordan for “examples of local church as politics.”
He does not point as positive examples the Saints and Sinners gathering where Nadia Bolz Weber used to pastor. Or the Refuge church where Kathy Escobar pastors. He doesn’t point us to Brandan Robertson’s ministry. Nor does he point us to controversial Catholic James Martin’s ministry toward the LGBT community.
The other thing that’s really, really important to note in this complicated subject is Dave’s missional approach to his “neighbor” stories in his books including this new one. There is no question he has this huge missional heart for neighbors.
If you know him, he shows up at McDonald's and nurtures relationships with neighbors. Or he shows up weekly in a local pub. As he writes in his new book, “our main goal is to simply be present to the presence of God at work in the many people who come to this bar.”
He writes about missional passion in all of his books. He writes in Faithful Presence, We should go into neighborhoods, give up power, become present, listen to our neighbors. This is the incarnational way. Ecclesiology (or the form the church takes) must come afterwards.”
He writes again in The Church of Us. Vs. Them, “This way of seeing the Bible and practicing the Bible changes us as a people in the world. Whereas before, the “inerrant Bible” shaped us to assume we possess the truth, now we enter the world humbly listening to our neighbors, illumined by the Bible to discern what things we can learn and see about God at work in them.”
He’s got plenty of neighbor stories in Prodigal Christianity while criticizing progressives and Neo-Reformed ecclesial leaders who are ecclesial neighbors. Ditto in Faithful Presence.
Now my friend takes on the “church of us vs. them” in this book. He dives right into the ideology of the enemy-making machine. That’s a complicated endeavor!
In his passion to know God’s presence he asks, “Can we find ways to disrupt the enemy-making machine ironically, perhaps by sitting with them, maybe asking a question about what is driving the emotion we see exploding in ugly ways, and then listening to the fears and angers that drive people’s lives?”
He states, “We meet people, no matter how broken or strife-ridden, already believing God is working and his presence active. We are never coercive with the gospel. We never sit in judgment over someone. We discern with someone out of deep relationship.”
What I haven’t seen in Dave’s life or in this book, is an intentional willingness to “give up power, become present, and listen” to his progressive ecclesial neighbors who have ecclesial power. You know, the ecclesial leaders who think differently than Dave in the bigger ecclesial us vs. them antagonisms.
I haven’t seen him nurture a posture of “humbly listening” to Kathy Escobar, Brian McLaren, Larycia Hawkins, or Brandan Robertson. Just to name a few. But there are no powerful constructive controversial stories in this book where he is sitting with a progressive ecclesial leader “out of deep relationship.” There are no boundary-crossing affectionate friendships with ecclesial leaders beyond Missio Alliance in this book.
I don’t see stories of Dave showing up at a Wild Goose Festival with a posture of not only “giving up power” but of showing rich friendship affection to those who think profoundly different about ecclesial power. I haven’t heard of stories of him showing up at a Why Christian Conference or an Evolving Faith Conference with ecclesial neighbors who are thought-leaders. I have yet to see Dave promoting Chicago’s Pride Parade or attending one.
In my mind, these would all be concrete stories of seeing God at work in the evangelical us vs. them enemy-making machine culture as evangelicals immersed in the bigger ecclesial conflict in North America.
Alan and Deirdre
Towards the end of the book, in the subsection under “Moving beyond Enemies in Our Politics” Dave tells the story of “Alan” and “Deirdre.” The names are in quotation marks because those are not their real names. This story and where it fits in with his book under this particular subsection is a fascinating one to me on so many levels.
I know the story. These two individuals were coming to Life on the Vine. I knew both of them. I knew Alan a little better. My wife and I hosted one of the church’s housegroups and Alan would come to ours. Dave takes a deep dive into an intensely personal conflict that emerged between Alan and Deirdre.
Now I pause for a second. We are nearing the end of the book. From the first page onward he has thoroughly entangled himself into the polarized atmosphere of the church of us vs. them culture in North America at the present hour. In this chapter titled, “the local church my politics” Dave introduces us to the Alan and Deirdre story.
This story follows the particular theme I introduced above in his books. This is not a story about Dave welcoming Doug Pagitt, Kathy Escobar, or Brandan Robertson into his gathering for God working out something beautiful between progressive and evangelical church leaders. The story fits with his ongoing practice in his books toward “neighbors” who don’t share the same ecclesial leadership power as Dave does.
It is a heartbreaking story where intense conflict emerged between a professional social worker (Deirdre) and Alan who was a recent widower with two young children. Alan’s wife had died. Alan was in a successful career practice. He decided to leave that practice after his wife died. He homeschooled his children and decided to earn a living as a handyman.
Deirdre started to care for the family and helped Alan with babysitting the kids. It wasn’t too long before Deirdre made the controversial decision to report Alan to Illinois’ Department of Family and Children Services. An intense disagreement broke out between the two.
Dave applies his submission model to the couple. He doesn’t want to get involved. He wants them to talk face-to-face. He presents their intense disagreement in the moment as a classic “I’m right/she is wrong” scenario. They refused to meet initially. But then agree to meet.
As Dave tells the story, she erupts when the pastors tell her that everyone has to “submit our lives to Christ” including her. That part of the submission for her is meeting with Alan face-to-face for the first time after this explosive bombshell happened and she must be willing to admit she could be wrong.
Just ponder that. Now, the pastors were saying the same thing to Alan. This happened to me. The same urgent appeal to submission in an intense conflict breaking out. Part of Dave’s mutual submission strategy means a straightforward, black-and-white application of Matthew 18 with this urgent appeal that everyone could be wrong. This is Dave’s sincere and thought out attempt to apply constructive Neo-Anabaptist psychology to an intense conflict.
Both Alan and Deirdre left the church.
Dave presents the ending of the story as an opportunity to think of his approach to mutual submission in the conflict is the way of Christ. Christ becomes present when we don’t bring a Neo-Reformed self or a progressive-self into an intense conflict in the church. He becomes present when we show up with an evangelical Neo-Anabaptist self.
I don't see anywhere in Dave's books where he shows up with this open humble posture toward progressive leaders with a spirit, "I could be wrong about you guys. I want to show up and be patient and listen." His model always wins.
In my next post, I’ll share some thoughts about “friendship’s self in ecclesial conflicts.”
