Dan J. Brennan

Vulnerability, Friendship, and Leadership: Some Random Thoughts

“Vulnerability begets vulnerability; courage is contagious” writes Brené Brown in her newest book, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. I am sure many of my readers already know this but Brown is known for her others books, The Gifts of Imperfection, and I Thought It Was Just Me.

Her new book arrived last week in the mail.

What is vulnerability? Is it weakness? Is it connected to our failures? Is it letting it all hang out with boundaryless connections from a place of unmet needs? 

Cross-Sex Friendship Quote of the Week

I love this quote.  This is from an ordained monk, Guibert of Gembloux and his friendship with Hildegard of Bingen.  Although ordained, he opened his life, ministry, and heart to her.  Also, his language reveals an intimate bonding that was nonromantic but yet deeply passionate.  At many layers, this friendship goes beyond the shallow When Harry Met Sally dialogue, beyond simplistic gender roles, beyond sex-segregation.

"I live with her in the beauty of peace and of all delight and sweetness, I am directed by her counsels, supported by her prayers. I press forward by her merits, I am upheld by her kindnesses and daily I enjoy conversation with her."

Guibert of Gembloux regarding Hildegard of Bingen

Singled Out: Popular Culture and Positive Views of Celibacy

Although we live in a sex-obsessed culture, in the secular world there happens to be positive portrayals of celibacy and chapter two focuses on these examples.  The authors remind us that, in response to the sexual revolution psychologist Gabrielle Brown believed that sexuality "is a conscious, voluntary behavior which is learned, rather than an instinct over which one has no choice."   This challenges the idea as sex as a biological imperative.  Her ideas line up with what many Christian have believed for over two thousand years.  Brown thought that "abstinence is a response on the outside to what's going on, and celibacy is a response from the inside." 

Singled Out: Singleness, Friendship, and Marriage

Singled Out: Why Celibacy Must be Reinvented in Today's Church is a book I want to spend some time exploring here.   For a while now, I have been wanting to do a series on singleness, friendship, and marriage and this book is a great place to jump off.  

 

My thinking about singles in the evangelical sub-culture began to change significantly when 1) I started doing serious research on spiritual friendship and in particular, friendship between the sexes a few years ago and 2) I formed an intimate friendship with a single woman.  Number one (same-sex or cross-sex) has almost been totally ignored by evangelicals in their eccelesiology, discipleship, and spiritual formation.   As Eugene Peterson has commented, "Friendship is a much underestimated aspect of spirituality" and this is especially true in Protestant and evangelical spirituality.   

I think this underdeveloped, undervalued, underestimated spirituality of friendship in evangelical spirituality has contributed to the married versus single dichotomy in the contemporary Church life.  After several years of researching spiritual friendship, I don't believe these are unrelated facts:  while there have been endless books on marriage and family, the number of books on either singleness or friendship in the evangelical community are incredibly few in comparison.  I don't think that's a publishing "coincidence."  Yet, nearly almost half of the adult population in the evangelical world is unmarried and the number continues to grow. 

Individualism and Friendship

Ponder this quote about individualism and friendship:

Living Spirituality

Greg Laughery's book, Living Spirituality: Illuminating the Path is a book born out of his experience at the L'Abri Fellowship community in Switzerland. 

 

Reflections on Sexuality, Friendship, and Community

It's getting close to Christmas and the end of the year.  That means I'm not that far away from turning 50.  Egads a half-century!  It is easy for me to reflect back on the year when we get into the first week of December.  The prospect of hearing from a publisher soon has me looking forward with anticipation.  But this has been a significant year for me.

Incarnation, Sexuality, and Spirituality 2

 

Author Robin Shepard Arthur Roberts and I have something in common: we believe that the men and women friends in our contemporary churches need to "discover the ecstasy that arises from touch that wants to affirm not control."  In his book, Messengers of God: The Sensuous Side of Spirituality, he succinctly summarizes in about 3 paragraphs what takes me about thirtysomething pages in my manuscript to say.  Of course, I think there is a place for both!  As I dream, I dream about Christian communities who can move past the romantic idealism in contemporary evangelicalism in such a way that men and women may not only deeply delight in their spouses but also in their cross-gender friends.  In the twenty-first century, I see Christian communities--churches and academic institutions teaching on sexuality and friendship as spiritual and sexual formation.  I'd love to do that! 

"Physical affection is the moral use of touch," he notes.

Artists & Sexuality: Something to Think About

"We need spiritual directors who are not afraid of sexuality.  At this point I would not send a young artist to a pastor for help with this.  I am not confident that the typical pastor is comfortable enough with sexuality to be of much help.  Developing artists need the friendship of people who have embraced sexuality rather than spiritual police who will tell them it's not right to paint nude people or to explore themes in their writing.  I think spiritual helpers of the right kind are few and far between."

Vinta Hampton Wright, The Soul Tells a Story

Published by IVP--maybe my book has a shot with IVP after all. :-)

Sexuality and Spirituality: Men, Women, Fears, and Community

It was late summer, 2002.  One of my online cross-gender friendships was becoming more than just an "acquaintance" kind of relationship.  This was before I knew any cross-gender friendship material existed.  Before I knew there were any stories of cross-gender friendship in church history.  I don't remember how I came across this book but I stumbled upon Biblical Foundations for Small Group Ministry by Gareth Weldon Icenogle in the bowels of the basement in Trinity Evangelical Divinity Library.   I can't remember what drew me to this book because I wasn't interested in reading about small groups at the time.  Anyway, this text may have been the first one to steer my thinking to freedom, wholeness, and oneness in cross-gender friendships.  As you will see, he's not talking about paired cgf's (small group is his focus) but I began to ask myself, why not for cross-gender friendship, too???  I was praying through some issues of sexuality with my friend.