Dan J. Brennan

Evangelical Utopia and Unmarried Women

Marlena Graves’ recent post on Desperate for Their MRS Degrees highlighted the desperation of young evangelical women in college to find a husband before they graduate. She pointed out how women will go to great lengths to find romantic "salvation." She wonders how this obsession impacts women and their callings.

As a white evangelical male, I write this with great fear and trepidation.  I don’t know what it's like to walk in the shoes of an unmarried woman in the evangelical sub-culture. But I’ve made it a point to listen to the stories of women. I also know something of the crisis in the evangelical church and unmarried women.

Bold Boundaries Schedule: "Walked Many Miles in These Kinds of Friendships"

 

"The speakers at Bold Boundaries come to us with more than ideas about cross-gender friendships; they have walked many miles in these kinds of friendships, have ministered together within these kinds of friendships, and they will speak openly and authentically about their journeys, the challenges and the glories." Sheila Brennan

 

"The conference is not about providing abstract principles. Instead, it is real people making intentional choices to shift the status quo and offer positive ways for men and women to deepen their friendships with one another. Join me at Bold Boundaries. I promise it will be a refreshing change providing you with new perspectives and also new friendships with both men and women." Vicki Scheib

Here is this awesome lineup. It's just around the corner! Register here and be a part of something that is groundbreaking! 

Why Vicki Scheib is Coming to Bold Boundaries

Vicki Scheib attended last year’s Sacred Friendship Gathering while finishing her doctoral work at George Fox Seminary in Portland Oregon. The sincere conversations that happened at the conference helped refine her thesis and enhanced her own understanding of friendships between men and women. Plus, she thought the people were just cool.

Currently, Vicki is the new director of the Master’s in Christian Leadership program at Evangelical Seminary in Myerstown, PA. She is surprised by the opportunity to train leaders and encourage “bold boundaries” between men and women as they learn to work together and lead together. She is hopeful for the future as leaders learn to lead well and love well.

 

 

"Hurt Me So Bad When My Pastor (Who Said I Was His Friend)"

A reader writes to me:  "It hurt me so bad when my pastor (who said I was his friend) said one Sunday that he would never ride in the car with a woman alone even if they were broken down that he would "throw his cell phone at them..hahahaha". And this, of course, made me put myself in that place and experience how I would feel if he saw me stranded. It was then, in my mind I had been reduced to no longer a friend/sister, but reduced to a sexual object that he must avoid.

He also told me as a pastor he has to remain "above reproach"... 

 

Julie Clawson: White Men, Submission, and the Kingdom of God Pt 2

It is not giving up power to accuse those who leave a church of losing any authority or stepping outside of the kingdom of God. That is using power to manipulate and guilt people into submission. 

Julie Clawson

This is the second post reflecting on Julie Clawson's recent FB status. If you missed my first post it is here. Julie is reacting to white men who want us to follow their way of life in the kingdom of God. "Real" community for them is bound up in a tightly connected dynamic of death to self and submission to a local church. 

3. The challenge of not conflating God's authority exclusively with death to self, submission and the local church.

Julie Clawson: White Men, Submission, and the Kingdom of God

Julie Clawson wrote on her Facebook status this past week: 

"Why is it always white, middle-class, highly-educated males who argue that dying to the self for the sake of commitment and accountability to a local church despite disagreement, silencing, or abuse is the only way one can be a part of the kingdom of God? And who then say that experience and emotion are not valid ways of knowing so that they do not have to ever listen to such theological voices that challenged the theologies of privilege that support their places of power in the system while silencing others. I don't care if my view is 'Romantic' or birthed from identity politics, when men tell women and minorities that they just need to shut up and submit to abuse for the sake of Jesus I do not see the kingdom of God at work."

This is why there are going to be more women--including women who are pastors, theologians, and therapists at the Sacred Friendship Gathering this year than there will be white men (white men who are leaders). More evangelical women than men see friendship as a healthy path for healthy community and gender reconciliation. White men are vulnerable to continue to emphasize abstract systems designed with one-size-fits all solutions to authority, voice, and leadership. 

There are huge challenges when educated white men emphasize the death of self, accountability within a local church as the only way for "real" Christian and spiritual experience and authority. Educated women in the 21st century like Julie get it. 

Steubenville: Body-Parts Sexuality, Friendship, and Vulnerable Moments

I don’t know about you but I was in tears when I read Ann Voskamp’s post, After Steubenville: 25 Things Our Sons need to know about Manhood.

Beautifully written, Ann speaks passionately from the heart of a woman and mother who has been raised up in the evangelical church.

Ann spoke about a lot good and important things but I would like to add some thoughts to her incredible piece knowing full well I’m a white male and knowing I can’t even come close to writing as well as she does.

I know much has already been written on the Steubenville culture.

Can Jesus-followers speak hope into this darkness?  Can Jesus-followers speak hope for women?

Wendy Wright on Spiritual Friendship

For my blog readers who might be unaware, it was Wendy Wright's small but powerhouse article, "Reflections on Spiritual Friendship" which rocked my world and gave me imagination for intimate friendships between men and women who are not married to each other.

Wright, a Roman Catholic, teaches at Creighton. We had a brief email correspondence back in 2006, I think. She emailed an article she wrote for the Weavings Journal in 1988. In my estimation, it remains one of the best articles ever written on spiritual friendships between men and women. Here, is just a small excerpt and you'll understand how this has impacted me. Kathy Escobar's reference to friendship as a discipline reminded me of Wright's article:

A Testimony: Strong Boundaries & Intimate Cross-Gender Friendship

Susanne Osborne, my very close friend and I gave a testimony, a brief story of our friendship in our worship service this morning!  Susanne was at the last Sacred Friendship Gathering and she is coming to Bold Boundaries: Expanding Friendship Between Men and Women in April! This is a taste of what we'll be doing in April. When was the last time you heard a testimony of deep friendship between a married man and a single woman in church?   

Vulnerability, Friendship, and Leadership: Some Random Thoughts

“Vulnerability begets vulnerability; courage is contagious” writes Brené Brown in her newest book, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. I am sure many of my readers already know this but Brown is known for her others books, The Gifts of Imperfection, and I Thought It Was Just Me.

Her new book arrived last week in the mail.

What is vulnerability? Is it weakness? Is it connected to our failures? Is it letting it all hang out with boundaryless connections from a place of unmet needs?