When Christians are absorbed in the romantic myth their counsel looks like this:
"A castle is a place of refuge, a protected place. Its walls give security to its inhabitants and keep its detractors outside. Sometimes a castle comes under attack, and if there is any structure in our culture today that I would describe as 'under attack,' it would be the private little castle of marriage. Once marriage was respected and protected by society as a whole, but that day is gone....
"Marriages are also threatened today by what I call friendly fire. This threat occurs when a door or window to the private little castle of marriage is left open, and family, friends, and neighbors are allowed to enter in. This form of attack is indirect, but it can do enormous damage to the 'one flesh' aspect of any marriage. Almost without exception I believe it is a mistake to open up a marriage to the inspection of non-professional parties--especially relatives. I have seen too many husbands and wives struggle with one another and then call in a best friend, aunt, uncle, cousin, mother-in-law, or father-in-law, sister or brother who becomes hopelessly entangled in their domestic affairs."
Romancing the Home: How to Have a Marriage that Sizzles by Edwin Young
While I recognize the complexity of a best friend or relative in the mix as it were in our modern culture in your marital intimacy, this piece here to me--underscores the sad effect when Christians get caught up in the romantic myth. First of all, I could easily with a general broad brush say the same thing about professional help--once the married couple permits professional help to enter in, chaos can worsen. Second, this author is woefully ignorant of the "biblical" meaning of "one flesh." While there is the mandate to leave and not cleave (Gen. 2) don't think for one second that the marriages in the Old Testament were anything like marriages caught up in romantic idealism of the modern world. Marriages were situated in a much deeper network of family and community. They lived with each other or practically on top of each other.
