I was just becoming acquainted with "differentiation" when I stuck my neck out and wrote on the discipline and skill of delight in my book. Delight between men and women in personal friendship? You gotta be kidding me! In the handful of places where evangelicals referred to cross-sex friendship confined to small areas in their books, delight wasn't even on the radar screen at the time. I was breaking the ice by introducing a powerful and healing discipline others had feared to address.
Think about that just for a moment. What is attentive delight toward the personal beauty of your other sex friend? There is probably no other subject like exploring personal beauty between men and women in friendship that exposes the deep-seated anxiety between men and women in the evangelical sub-culture. As soon as you begin to talk about learning to receive and give pleasure and delight toward your friend, personal and sub-cultural anxiety awakes. For some, they become a bundle of nerves; for others, it gives them the jitters; for others, they feel their hearts in their mouths; for others, it puts them on pins and needles. You know what I mean, don't you?